Tuesday, May 9, 2016 - Day 4
Rest Day - Whispering Spring Camp

When I got up on Day 4 I realized my legs felt a bit better in terms of overall soreness but were still very painful and shaky. Quads, IT band, calves, back... Bruises, scrapes, stiff neck, bruised back, to say nothing of the need to take a shit at any and all hours. Four times yesterday I had to move my bowels. Cleanup was a mess and urination unsanitary (and smelly) as well. I was grossing myself out.

Strange to suddenly be so attuned to my body: feeling or seeing every scratch, every bruise, every muscle, every discomfort, every blemish, every unsightly hair, the dirt under my fingernails. Hard to love this body that has met so many challenges and watch it struggle so hard to meet this one.

Stefan and Haley decided to do the 8 mile optional hike down to the Colorado River and back. I knew I wasn't up to the task, and Nancy, despite her deep love for the river, also decided to stay in camp. They took off, saying they should return mid-afternoon.

Nancy and I took advantage of the down time and washed our hair. We knew we couldn't get soap suds in the creek water so we got a big pot, filled it with water, and poured it over our heads while standing in the creek. Then we walked to shore, put some Castille soap on our heads, scrubbed like crazy, and rinsed ourselves up on the beach. It is impossible for me to describe how good it felt to be partly clean and have clean hair for the first time in 3 days. All the simple pleasures stood out to me on this trip...

The rest of the morning was all about trying to find a comfortable place to sit. At half past 12 the sun had been shining on the campsite for over 2 hours. I put on sunscreen and a long sleeved shirt. Didn't need to add sun poisoning to my list of woes. I pulled my Thermarest out of the tent and sat on that with my back leaning against a rock but cushioned at butt and back. Aaahhh... I felt guilty using it against coarse rock as the fabric can be punctured, but decided to do it anyway since I needed some comfort.

We laid in the shade of an overhang on this hot and mostly sunny rest day. The exhaustion in my legs was intense. I hadn't even done anything physical today except sit and walk maybe a total of a hundred yards.

After a "lunch" of more snacks - Nancy put on her boots and hiked up toward the spring. I would have loved to go exploring but every step I took sapped the precious energy I had garnered from this rest day. I was not sleepy, even though I had my Thermarest spread out on the sand across the creek, under a ledge. The sun was brutal. I know I hadn't drunk enough today, but I'd been pretty inactive so...

The beauty of the ancient stone rising above me on all side is awe inspiring.

I am afraid that today's healing time isn't going to be enough to get me back to the rim. And I am running out of Tang. That caused anxiety. Drinking that flavored orange water is one of the highlights of this trip. And having to pee four times in the night was a real drag: unzipping the tent right next to Nancy's sleeping head, putting on my headlamp, then stumbling down the path to try and find a patch of earth to pee on.

Knowing the hard hiking that lies ahead of me is frightening. Ive lost a lot of self-confidence on this trip. I can't afford to think about not making it out. I HAVE to make it out or...

My hands started going numb from putting so much pressure on my trekking poles as I hiked down. Let's hope it will be easier climbing up.

I miss my home, my spouse and my dogs - as much as I am drawn to and astounded by the Grand Canyon, I love my home and my spouse and my dogs and my job even more. I wish I didn't feel like all I want is to get the next three days over with and go home.

Can I do it? Can I get myself out of here? I just stepped down off a rock and my legs are still sore and wobbly. At least the next two days, while very strenuous, don't have more than 1,600 feet of elevation gain. The last day? 2,200 feet - shit - one step at a time.

A blessing: my pack will be lighter. Another blessing - each step I take will bring me closer to home.

The emotional and physical intensity of this experience has already started to erase some of my memories of the past couple of days. I remember broken bits. I have moments of remembering how I felt, but nothing that flows in time. On Day 3 I felt like I was truly close to bonking, not as badly as the woman doing the Ironman Triathlon who crawled across the finish line on legs that would no longer bear her weight. But I was closer to that state than I have ever been. I can't believe how badly the past three days have trashed me. I wonder if our slow pace bothers Stefan. He is always way ahead, either with Haley or alone. Sometimes I lost sight of him and have to figure out the direction he had taken to cross the creek or walk on the side to bypass obstacles. I tried to find my way by following the wet boot prints and streaks of red clay he and Haley left on the rocks. That kept my mind occupied, helped me get through the pain.

Stefan and Haley arrived back in camp by 2:15 PM. Holy shit! Amazing! Eight hiking miles and an hour and a half sitting by the river watching the boats navigate the rapid and they are back by 2:15!

With their return we all sat in the sand and told stories. Nancy was in rare form and had us rolling with laughter. Stefan looked comfortable and relaxed leaning against a rock. I am tired of being uncomfortable when I sit... Even sitting on my camp pillow doesn't take away all of the discomfort. My legs still hurt and feel weak. And I still laughed and enjoyed listening to their stories.

I'm scared about tomorrow's 4 mile hike - back up Kanab Creek and over obstacles that require us to take off our packs to get beyond them. We are getting an early start tomorrow so we can rest more often than we did on the way down. Stefan is probably doing the early start for me since I bonked so badly on the way down. I'll probably need it.

We heard a canyon tree frog a while ago doing its mating call. Lots of bats last night zooming around the darkening sky, scooping insects out of the air in mid-flight. And the stars - so beautiful and so many. I saw the big dipper and then a different view every time I woke up.

Day 5