Submitted by Pat

Today dawned overcast and never completely cleared. After breakfast of oatmeal, eggs, pancakes, bacon and fresh fruit, we packed up and started the hike back down to the river across from Cave Camp. We still had to get across the river and today's activity was holding on to two straps attached to a zip line, taking a running start, flying out over the river, letting go, falling into the water, and swimming to shore. If the sun had been out I probably would have felt much happier about the whole thing, but it was overcast and cool and the idea of dropping 30 feet into cold water and swimming to shore just didn't appeal. Of course I did it anyway and managed to make it to shore.

As a reward, I immersed myself in the stone hot tub that was close to the landing area. The tub comfortably held 6 people and was made from a natural indentation in the rock that had been created by river water running over the rock for years and years. There was a submersible wood stove that heated the water and I really can't tell you how good it felt to ease in after the chill of the river dunking. When we finally warmed up, we headed back to our cliff dwellings, changed into rock climbing clothes and met at the cave for lunch.

It was too dark inside the cave for me and the mood I was in so I sat outside. Sitting around after we finished eating and waiting to head out for the climb was hard. Anticipation was hard. The whole group was quiet - some had never rock climbed or rappelled before. Everyone was kind of lost in their own thoughts. Finally after enough time had passed to allow Chula and Peter to set up the climbing ropes, Aaron led us on a short 15 minute walk to the base of the rock climbing area.

At this point I didn't realize it but Aaron was sick with some kind of intestinal flu. He didn't appear sick but while he was setting up the belay rope he disappeared without saying anything except, "Be back in a few minutes." Fifteen minutes later he returned and continued with his safety lecture and instructions on how to rope up, put on the harness, and the commands to use when climbing. Rayno, our videographer, showed us the best climbing techniques for the pitches that had been chosen for us. I felt nervous and energized. I looked at the climb and wanted so badly to do it without fear. Nancy was petrified. She was barely able to verbalize her fear. I didn't probe but stood by quietly. I knew she was scared and I knew she could do it and I knew she had to do it alone.

Don went first of the three of us. He looked strong on the climb although I knew this wasn't his favorite activity. But he did it and eventually climbed out of sight. Nancy told me to go first, but I really wanted to go last this time and I wanted to be there to encourage her whether she could hear or receive me or not. She roped up, yelled, "On belay" Aaron responded with, "Belay on" Then she yelled, "Climbing" and Aaron said, "Climb on". The first move was a very difficult one for someone with short legs - it was a perfect move for someone with long legs and good upper body strength. I can't really describe it except to say that you had jump up and push yourself up onto the rock ledge using just your arms. Nancy struggled but didn't give up and eventually got up onto the ledge. She moved up to the spot where she used arms and legs to get up a vertical wall and disappeared from view. Then it was my turn.

I roped in and started up. Because I was last, I felt a little hurried and I didn't take the time to really complete the first move smoothly. I made it up - it just wasn't pretty. Then up to the next belay - here Peter picked up the belay and asked if I was a rock climber. I said not really and he said there were two ways to get up - a series of foot and hand holds that had been anchored into a smooth rock face or a more technical way up a natural rock with limited hand and foot holds. He urged me to give the hard one a try and I said, sure. He showed me the best hand and foot holds and off I went. Wow - it was hard. He made it look easy, but for someone like me who has limited (no) technical rock climbing experience it was pretty daunting. I managed to get most of the way up before I had to cheat a little and use one of the man made foot holds. I was glad that I tried and I was glad to be up and I knew that despite the desire and the will my 53 year old body doesn't have the raw, untrained skill or strength to just do it anymore.

At the top we climbed out onto what was called the Knife Edge. A steel cable was bolted into the rock and we were clipped in via a strap and a carbineer that moved along the cable as we walked across the thin rock edge. It wasn't as frightening as I expected - one side was a sheer drop off and the other side dropped off more gradually. But when I turned around and looked back and saw the cliff the guides were prepping for the rappel, I felt all my hard-won confidence evaporate. The bottom of my stomach dropped out and I felt the insidious paralysis of deep fear creep over me. I had to look away or my will would have been siphoned off until I was left a gibbering idiot, unable to go down and unable to down climb the rock climbing side.

The sky was grey, the wind had picked up, and an occasional sprinkle dampened our enthusiasm. Slowly we crept off the Knife Edge and up to the rappel tower. Nancy, Don and I went first. It must have been intentional because I felt like I just couldn't stand up there and watch everyone go down this time. I was last up the climb so when Aaron looked at me and gestured toward the rope, I stepped forward. Once I had something to concentrate on, Aaron's calm instructions, his careful efforts to connect me to the main rope and the belay line, and his final words, "Ok, now spread your legs shoulder width and step backward. All the way to the edge. That's it. Now lean back, further, further, and walk backwards down the cliff. You have total control of how fast you go. Have fun. You can do this," I looked back at my friends who were looking at me with stark faces and stepped back out of sight.

Once I was off the tower and on the way down, I was able to get the "feel" for how much rope to let off and I could literally jump backward and down, release line, and time it for my return to the cliff, like you see the pros do on TV. I felt comfortable and calm and confident in the equipment and finally in myself. I looked around and the blood returned to my head and I stopped shaking. This was incredible! I was doing it. Wow.

Because it was a 300 foot rappel and the rope was only long enough to do half the rappel, I was guided by Peter down to a small metal platform that had been bolted into the rock where he waited to change the rope and belay lines so I could finish the rest of the rappel. His voice guided me down and his calm instructions allowed me to stand there and accept his ministrations - changing the ropes and finally telling me to step over the edge of the platform to my right and take the weight again. It was awkward because there was a cable covered by a burlap sack that was right where one would put one's feet. So I had to do a little hop to get over it and in the clear.

The rest of the rappel was wonderful, and my fear disappeared as I continued down. No one was at the bottom when I arrived so based on Peter's instructions I disconnected the belay rope (leaving the carabineer attached) and unhooked the special rappel clip from the main rope. I was down. Standing in the jungle looking up at this huge 300 foot tower I waited for the next person to appear. I took off my helmet and harness and took out Nancy's camera so I could record Don and Nancy's descents.

Several minutes passed before I saw Nancy slowly back her way over the cliff edge. I knew she was scared. This was not a fun thing for her and I didn't think it was going to get easier the farther down she rappelled - although I was hoping. Her body looked tight and her movements where small and tight as she backed her way down to Peter's platform. With my neck craned in an unnatural upward looking position, I videotaped and listened to her as she was transferred to the next rope. As she stepped off the platform, she struggled with the canvas covered cable, stopped, and said something to Peter like, "Please don't drop me." It was a raw, pure, savage and open moment of fear. I have felt like that before and I knew that terror. I wanted to do something but knew that this was her terror and her moment and all I could do was cheer her on and be there at the bottom when she arrived.

With a few hearty yells of encouragement, I talked her down and helped unhook her from the ropes. She was down, she had made it, and she had rappelled a 300 foot cliff. Wow. I'm sure she felt relief but was so jazzed by the fear that it took time to come down and find her way back to herself. I helped her out of her harness and went back to filming Don's descent. There was nothing I could do to ease her way back to herself except to be there.

Don did a great job. He looked relaxed after the initial drop over the edge, and moved quickly and easily down the rock face. Here was a man who was not comfortable with heights, and the first thing he said on touchdown was, "Wow - that was incredible! I want to do it again." I was elated that he had a good experience. It made him feel good although he couldn't understand why it had been a great experience when in reality his fear of heights was real. But he let it go and reveled in the confidence and warmth of having done something very difficult and challenging and come out the other side having actually enjoyed the whole activity. What a difference between joy and fear!

As the afternoon wore on, the rest of the group rappelled down. At one point we saw Laura start down and then stop and get pulled back up. What was that about? When Kate came down she told us that Laura had fallen, twisting to her left side and slamming into the rock because her feet were too close together and her body acted like a pendulum. Turned out she had really bruised her ribs and was struggling to decide how to get down. Aaron convinced her that rappelling was going to be easier than down climbing so she clipped onto the rope and slowly made her way down, unable to use her left side and relying on Aaron and then Peter to help lower her down.

Once back at camp, Laura's husband Barry, a physician, checked her ribs and couldn't find evidence of obvious fractures, so he gave her some Motrin and she eased her battered body into the hot tub for a long soak. All of us checked out the hot tub. It felt great and Don was elated by his success and wanting to understand how he was able to have so much fun at an activity that would normally have terrified him. Nancy was still processing her fear. And the hot water helped us all.

Nancy went for a massage and I took a shower. Once back in my dwelling and dressed in warmer clothes, I wrapped myself in my sleeping back and wrote in my journal. The rain started coming down in earnest and I watched it through the opening. The area hadn't seen any significant rain in a long time so this rain was a blessing.

I headed to the cave for dinner and joined the group for another meal. Peter told us that Aaron was sick and might not show up for his nightly talk about the next day's activities. But he did and then headed back to his dwelling with a pitcher of tea and some Gatorade. We sat around the fire afterward and talked or listened until it grew dark. I was tired and the day had been full so I went to my dwelling and sought the bliss of sleep.