Date: Sunday, September 25, 2016
Mountain: Mt Shaw
Trails: Up the Tate Mountain Trail to the Banana Trail to the Black Snout Trail
           Down the Black Snout Trail to the Mt Shaw Trail

Submitted by Pat

Sitting in my car at the trailhead parking area. Loggers have invaded the area and I hope we can find the beginning of the Tate Mountain Trail. I am so full of wanting to talk to Nancy. I feel it oozing out of my pores and my throat constricts and tears form behind my eyes. I haven't cried in so long.

The logging operation, conservation logging - selective - cutting old and dead trees to open the canopy and encourage sprouting and a new generation of trees growing. Seeing the mess is at first disheartening, but seeing the sign explaining what was going on helped.

Perfect day, cool, clear blue sky, slight breeze, temps in the 60's. I experience patellar knee pain in my left knee most of the way up. It lingers all day. We climb slowly - 9:15AM to 12:30PM - to get to the summit, with a 20-minute stop on Black Snout to eat an apple and enjoy the view. Nancy is wearing full winter regalia while I am in long pants and a short-sleeved shirt. The breeze chills our skin under sweaty shirts.

We talk - I listen to her speak about feeling down lately. She hasn't passed through it yet but called a friend who helped her see where she is now that she is not a prisoner of her history. She doesn't know the self that is emerging now that she doesn't have her history to fall back on. It has always defined her - she's looking for her next purpose in life, her next adventure, her next goal.

We do the "what are we most afraid of" thing as we walk. I start:

• Afraid the side-effects of radiation will cause fatigue that will not go away
• Afraid of the cancer returning
• Afraid of not being able to hike or even walk in the woods
• Afraid of not being able to take care of myself

Nancy:

• Afraid of not finding "what's next"
• Afraid of not recovering her investment in the Pumpkin Book

We reach Mt Shaw around 12:30PM, along with a very nice other couple, and eat lunch. Magnificent views of the southern White Mountains, though Mt Washington is in the clouds.

We are both sore and tired on the way down - sore toe tips - and very pleased with ourselves by the end of the hike. I should have made the time to retie my boots. Always more lessons to learn. Take the time. Ease the pain.

Looking forward to our next adventure and more lessons to come.

29/52 with a View